Trying to Live
by Nicole J James
Summary: Harry and Ginny have been in a lackluster relationship for 4 years. What happens to Harry after Ginny does the unthinkable and who will he turn to, to help guide him? One-Shot (Technically Dramione, if that's not your cup of tea please skip this story) **Warning this stories contains a TW. Mentions of abortion**


Life never turns out the way that you would like it to. Unexpected things happen, and people you thought you knew, turns out you knew nothing about them. You being to lose sight of yourself, and you begin to be the worst possible version of yourself.

This was Harry Potter's thinking after dating Ginny for 4 years after the final battle. He stuck it out through all of the good times and the bad times. He stayed even after he felt the pull that he once felt with her begin to dissipate. He stayed even after she strayed, and she stayed even after he strayed. He can admit that they weren't good to each other and sometimes that they weren't good for each other. But he always stayed because it was what was expected of them both. It was what they were meant to do. He thought that he could stay with her through it all, all of the good time and the bad times. It's just what they did; he didn't think that he would ever be faced with this impossible situation.

"I didn't know what to do Harry. I'm sorry but I panicked and I – I didn't want this." Ginny stammered.

"But what about what I want Ginny? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I wanted this!" I yelled back at her.

"But it's not only about you Harry! This is my life as well, and it's my body. I have every right to make these decisions. With or without you!" Ginny yelled back

"You have every right Gin, but thi- that's- this is entirely different. I deserved a right to know, I deserved the chance to give my input. What you did was not only unfair, but it was selfish of you." I cried.

There was silence. Ginny looked down at her feet and begun to wring her hands.

"I don't care Harry. I just don't care anymore, I can't. I am so tired; this all of this is so tiresome." She replied back weakly.

"What do you mean?"

"This! Us!" She wailed pointed to her and myself "We are not meant to be together. Despite what everyone likes to think. We are making each other miserable. All we do is argue and hurt each other. It's not right; I can't even call you my friend anymore."

"Do not try to make what you did okay."

"I did what was best for me Harry. I can't and I won't apologize for that. But it's for the best, we were never going to get married and live happily ever after. There has been far too much hurt from the both of us. I refuse to bring a child into a situation where the parents' only tolerate, but not love each other." Ginny said somberly.

"I don't care about you and me. We may not have been perfect Gin, but we could've been perfect parents. We didn't have to stay together to do that." I say desperately, rubbing my hand through my hair.

"That's not how I was raised Harry. I won't raise my child that way." Ginny snaps back.

"Clearly you weren't raised to respect all life either Gin. I see that you don't even have respect for me either."

"We both may not respect our relationship, but I do have respect for you Harry. Not a soul knows about our problems or you infidelity –"

"It wasn't just me Gin, you seem to not be able to keep your legs shu –"

I try to finish but Ginny has slapped me, making my glasses fly from my face. We both stare each other down, her seething in indignation and me with a red cheek and a storm brewing in my heart. Ginny and I may not be perfect; we may have had our issues in our relationship, but this. We can't come back from this.

"I can't even look at you Ginny. No I may not have been a perfect boyfriend. We may not have been on the fast track to marriage. But dammit Ginny, you just killed my child! Our child! Yet you see nothing wrong with that. You were raised in a large family; you know if your mother knew what you did she wouldn't even be able to look at you."

"Newsflash Harry. I am my own person, what I do in my life and with my body isn't anyone's business" she paused and huffed. " For the record half of the decisions that I make in my life my mother wouldn't be able to look at me, nor would she approve. But it's my life not hers. Harry I'm not even ready to be a mother, you can't ask that of me." Ginny seethes back.

"I can't even -. You know what, I can overlook a lot. This isn't something that I can ever forgive you for. We're through. I want you out."

"That's just fine Harry. Run away." Ginny huffed and turned to the stairs. She stopped and it looked like she was contemplating something. She turned to me and said without any emotion "I'll need time to find my own place. I don't want to go back to the burrow. You owe me at least that."

"I don't owe you shit Ginny. But unlike you I'm not a monster. You have one month to get your stuff and get out of my house. I'll stay elsewhere, while you are packing."

I turn away from her, not wanting her to see that she has finally done what no one else could do. She has broken me, she broke my heart. I do not give her a second glance as I pick up my glasses and accio a few things, and walk out of the front door.

I didn't know where to turn to at first. Since none of the Weasleys' knew about the tumultuous relationship Ginny and I had, I didn't think it would be great to go to the Burrow or to Ron's. The past 4 years I've become a bit of a hermit. No career or direction in my life, just being supportive of Ginny's career as a chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies. Hermione doesn't live in London anymore, instead she moved to Australia to be closer to her parents, and she travels a lot for her job. However, she was the only person I could turn to. So I decided to ring her on her mobile.

_Please pick up, please pick up._ I repeat like a mantra in my head. Praying to any higher power that she is there; after what seemed like forever and I was about to hang-up, the other line picks up.

"Hello Harry! This is a surprise; I almost missed your call." Hermione answered breathily as if she just ran to the phone.

I don't know what to say, or where to start.

"Harry, what's wrong?" She asks worriedly after I don't respond after awhle. It's always been as if Hermione could read my mind, even after all this time.

"Hermione, I need you." I say somberly

Before I know it, I was on a plane going to meet with my best friend. Hermione didn't hesitate and she purchased a plane ticket for me to come out and meet her in New Zealand, of all places. She gave me her address and I gave it to the taxi driver and we were off. The plane ride from London to New Zealand gave me a lot of time to think about the situation. I made many self-realizations. If Ginny and I hadn't stayed in our sham or a relationship for so long, this whole thing could have been avoided. We may never have had a romantic relationship again, but we could've remained friends. After what she did, I don't know if I can ever forgive her. So consumed in thought I didn't notice the cab coming to a stop.

"Harry, I missed you so much." Hermione cried as she hugged the daylights out of me as I exited the car.

"I missed you too Hermione. It's so good to see you!" hugging her tight and breathing in the scent of her wild mane, she smells like apples.

She ushers me into a small quaint cottage and puts on tea for us. Yawning I look up to her and thank her for the tea.

"If you would like a bit of a rest, you can always take a nap. We can catch up later." She says sweetly as she blows on her hot tea.

"I haven't slept what feels like in ages. I can't sleep every time I close my eyes –" I say and start rubbing my eyes under my glasses.

Hermione sits and listens for the next hour, never interrupting me, as I regale her of the saga that was Ginny and I. She never once judged our actions towards each other, and she never stopped listening. After getting it all off of my chest, I felt a little bit lighter, but still confused on where to go from here.

"Harry, all of that is so awful. I am sorry that the both of you had to endure such hardships. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now." Hermione acquiesced

"I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. She doesn't want me to tell anyone in her family about the baby, or our fucked up relationship. We both did wrong I know, but I don't know how to move on like nothing ever happened. I can't face the Weasleys' and not tell them all about why Ginny and I broke-up. I don't know who would take it worse Ron or Molly." I say rubbing my hand through my hair… a nervous tick of mines.

"I can't tell you what you what would be the best approach with the family. You see what happened after Ron and I broke up. There are only a handful of Weasleys' that still speak to me. I am apparently still persona non grata to the matriarch of the family, but our relationship quite like yours and Ginny just wasn't meant to be."

Hermione paused and looked out the window pensive as if she were reminiscing of the ugly break-up between her and Ron. The family was split and in the end, Hermione was ousted from the Weasley fold. I remember when it happened, Hermione was adamant that she and Ron were better as friends and that if they stayed together they would grow to resent each other and lose their friendship. Well, Ron ruined any chances of them being friends after the split. In his immaturity he accused Hermione of cheating on him and even went as far as to attack Hermione's person. Molly of course, not knowing nor caring the reason behind the split, decided that if Hermione wasn't going to date Ron then she had no reason to still be considered part of the family, and cut her off. It was actually all quite dramatic, and I don't feel like I handled it well either. Hermione and I stayed friends, mostly pen pals, as she moved quite soon after the break-up to be with her parents. I've never mentioned to Ron or Ginny that I still spoke with Hermione, besides that would've just been one more thing for Ginny and I to fight over.

"I am sorry the way things turned out back then. I was young and stupid, I should have stuck up for you better" I say quietly.

"Oh Harry, you did the best you could. I mean it's not like you took anyone's side, and if I remember correctly. Ron had a black eye for almost a week. I don't imagine he got that on his own." Hermione smirked back.

"Well the tosser deserved it" I laugh

"Yes, he did. It was not like you could have cut off the Weasley's or anything, they are after all a surrogate family for you. Besides, we stayed friends not as close as I would like, but then again that happens when one moves across the globe." She said whimsically

This Hermione is different than the one who left London all those years ago. She seems more confident in herself, less uptight. She seems to be glowing and has grown up so much and seems so secure in her life, more than I can say for my own. She's still just as beautiful as she has ever been.

"You know Harry, there is a saying that gave me solace when I felt lost after the split. 'People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime' meaning not everyone is meant to stick around for a lifetime. I like to think that my time with the Weasley's taught me something about life, and about who I am as a person. So while it did hurt to be cast away so easily, everything happens for a reason." Hermione said.

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it for good measure.

"It's just hard to lose what I thought I wanted, and what I thought I had. Does that make sense to you? I know that I do want a family, but I'm beginning to realize whatever family I may have in the future may not be with the Weasleys'. Hermione I wanted to baby, maybe for the wrong reasons, but it was my flesh and blood, my family and I am not too weak to say that I needed that baby as much as that baby needed me." I say my voice breaking.

"I know Harry. I can't begin to understand what it must feel like to have something in your grasp that you wanted so desperately slip through your fingers. Just know that this isn't the end. You may have lost this child, but who is to say that you won't have a child and wife someday?"

"Hermione, I don't know if you know this. But I am kind of a hermit back home. I don't have many friends outside of the Weasleys' and even though Ginny and I aren't together, not many witches are willing to step on the toes of what is her 'property'."

"Oh so she doesn't want you and that means no one else can have you?" Hermione scoffed.

"That Weasley temper, that and you wouldn't believe what she did to Cho."

"I don't even want to know. Ginny has always been territorial. But Harry, you don't have to stick around London. The world is a big place, and the magical communities that I have had the pleasure of visiting are amazing and more progressive than back in London."

"I suppose so. If that doesn't work out I could always stay here in New Zealand and you and I can get hitched and have a family." I say jokingly.

"Ha-ha you are hilarious. As tempting as that sounds Mr. Potter, I have a lovely boyfriend, so I unfortunately can't be your back-up option." Hermione laughed

"You are anything but a back-up. You are beautiful, smart, kind and I would only be so lucky to have you."

"Oh Harry, I know all of this. I'm not the same insecure girl I was in school. But the fact remains; it's time for you to grow. You have no responsibility to anyone in London anymore. Voldemort is gone and you and Ginny have ended. You say no one in London would bother dating you. That's fine, relocate. Find something you are passionate about and find someone that will love you. For you. Not because you are the famous Harry Potter."

"I think you're right. I just don't know where to go." I say resting my head in my hands.

"Even though I am taken, and you are as a close a brother to me. You can stay here in New Zealand. It helps having someone who you know in the area and can show you around. It would be great to have you here, plus this place has so much to offer."

"I don't want to appear to be running away, and I also don't want to be a nuisance to you."

"You are no bother, besides I think a change of scenery would be good for you. Don't consider it running away, because it really isn't. You are just ready for something new in life, and ready to be your own man. What do you say?" Hermione asked hopefully.

It doesn't take me long to agree to stay in New Zealand, of course after I return to London in a month to close up Grimmuald place and collect all of my things. Hermione is right; I shouldn't have to stay in London. This world is big, and I should see what it has to offer me.

"Ok. I'll stay." I agree, becoming excited about the prospect of new things.

"Oh that's wonderful Harry" Hermione squeals as she attacks me with another hug. "If you're going to be staying here then I guess I should warn my boyfriend. I can't say he's going to be too thrilled." She said biting her lower lip.

"What do you mean? I didn't even know you had a boyfriend, I'm sure me and him will get on just fine."

"Well, the thing is Harry… I've been dating Draco Malfoy for the past three years." Hermione says nervously.

I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of Hermione and Malfoy being in a relationship together, but I owe it to her to listen to her as she listened to me and my problems.

"Now this is a story that I have to hear!" I say excitedly. "I know you are all for the rights of all creatures, but I didn't know ferrets was on your list."

Hermione and I burst into laughter.


End file.
